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| Seriously tell me what you think. Give me something to see and read and take apart. A breath, for something more than to just take into my lungs. I'm trying to relishing in life with all of its glory and reaching to show what I can be.
I felt empowered. Like something can be done than just simply standing. It's interesting and strange at the same time.
Think. Thought. More is going through my mind, but I can't put it to words just yet. I think some sleep will do me good. XD
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I don't know why I act that way I do. I guess the scars beneath still carry through. I can't simply trust so easily. Surely I put myself out there, and try my best to smile. But is that really me? No... not at all. I'm always close to breaking and worrying about every small detail. I don't know if I can pull myself through this, and when help is there, I always put up a wall. Always a natural reaction on my part. Always afraid. Always afraid to open and up and trust.
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I just keep moving where my feet lead
I can repaint your walls
I can be all you need
But I will not smile to please
It's been a while. A very long while. I don't know why I came back,
but I felt a need to write again. Besides LJ because that is where my
thoughts go. But I think my thinking goes here.
Cause it's all right
There's nothing to stop us
If it feels right
Then everything's fine
For just one night
Then you go back to your life
And I'll go back to mine
So what has happened since the last update. Many things. I've
learned so much, in the world, myself, people around me, and life. I've
changed so much. I've become more trusting of some people, and able to hold
on to people dearly. I'm able to put my thoughts to words and take
action. I'm involved in so much and jumping at chances. Life is
racing by. I'm living this life slowly with mistakes, flaws, and with
open eyes.
I keep thinking that
There's something I'm supposed to do
I keep searching but
I'll never measure up for you
Let's figure where I am now. I am overwhelmed with pressure, of family,
friends, love, relationships, school, but I'm still trying. I've been
more hopeful here, and trying to see more than what is laying out here.
Maybe I'm not meant for everything, but surely right now I believe there is a
meaning. I am believing. This was something I learned and embrace
now. The faith in myself and in others. I can't be conformed to be
someone I can't be, which is why this is drastic from last year. It's
enough, it is simply enough to have what is here. Surely I have
tried to be there for everyone, but I cannot force anyone open or make people
see. It's ok. I'd wait through everything and show you that it's
worth it be alive. It's ok to start all over again from the start.
Realized I was passing through
From the moment I saw you
I was hypnotized
Couldn't wait to get you alone
So I could walk with you
So I could talk with you oh...
Then it's new and small right now, but a world has collided with mine. I
can't say what I'm thinking, but it leaves me breathless. Standing on
rooftops, and taking it in slowly. Burning the dream into the sky, and
running till sundown, time is racing slow it down. A feeling I deny, so
scream it. I'm lighting up the fireworks and sparking it up.
This is dedicated to you, side by side, will you sing along?
Run baby run
Don't ever look back
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance
Don't sell your heart
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Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Then have to forget you for one whole minute crushcrushcrush | | |
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When you said thank you
This flavor of life was bitter
And it stung my eyes
That's why my tears fell
It wasn't the farewell
That got to me now... It's been a while since I last updated. I haven't written much of anywhere, and my mind is dwelling. My heart is torn many times over, and my mind ripped apart. I honestly don't know myself anymore. I lose sense of who I am, and who I wanted to be. This lack of a drive, is letting me fall behind in my studies. I have nothing to focus on anymore. Nothing. The drive before was to get into college... but now that I'm here, it doesn't mean anything to me. I don't even know anymore... | | |
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